Imagine, if you will, several 32 to 39 year old moms taking a girls weekend to Nashville, TN for a much needed break from the kids. Heading into the weekend, the ladies decide to find a man for one of the single group members. Already, this has a recipe for hilarity...
The group of ladies is on the prowl...We will call them cougar kittens, since they are still young. They visit numerous bars, imbibe numerous beverages, and dance the night away while keeping an eye out for a suitable mate for their single companion. After a weekend of unsuccessful hunting, five of the ladies pack into a soccer mom shuttle and begin their trip back to Indiana.
I can imagine the mood in the vehicle. The lack of success in finding a man for their friend, combined with a killer hang over leads to overall low morale in the vehicle. As they prepare to leave Tennessee, they must stop to get fuel. The driver steps out to pump gas as the remaining four women begin to discuss the weekend and discuss the difficulties of finding a good man for their friend. Just as they get into conversation, a strapping young local rolls up on a crotch rocket and stops at the gas station to have a drink ...
At first, the man appears to be quite rough looking. His garb consists of Carhart pants with a large silver belt buckle and a motocross racing jersey. Although they couldn't tell if he was a cowboy, biker or logger, the ladies believe he has potential and decide to go in for the kill. The situation which ensues is perhaps one of the most hilarious I have heard in years.
As the ladies observe the prey casually sipping his Red Bull, they begin to formulate a plan to attract his attention. Keep in mind that the majority of these wonderful women have been married for several years, and have had little experience peacocking in the modern era. The last time any of them attempted to draw the attention of the opposite sex (intentionally, and other than their spouse), it was common practice to roll down all the windows, crank up the music, and yell "Woooo" as they cruise by the target. And so the plan came together.
The lead "cougar kitten" frantically began scrolling through the iPod, attempting to find the perfect song to blast from the vehicle. The additional backseat passengers prepped for their role as supportive Wooo Girls. The plan was in full swing as the driver finished pumping the gas and got back into the soccer mom shuttle. It was going to be a moment of epic proportions. They would roll away, blasting a cool rap song with lots of bass, "wooo" - ing to the best of their ability. The target would notice the obvious hotness and wave them down, asking for the single lady's digits. Done. Game bruised.
If the plan had worked out as intended, I would have nothing to write about today. Fortunately for me, and anyone who happens to read this, the plan did not quite work out as planned. The driver entered the vehicle, the song was queued up, the windows were rolled down. Just as they started to pull away, the "cougar kitten" hit play. Much to everyone's surprise, the contemporary Christian worship song written by Rich Mullins, "Awesome God" blasted from the speakers. Laughter erupted in the vehicle, and none of the ladies were able to utter even the smallest "Wooo"....Epic. Fail.
God bless my Sister and her friends for their efforts to find a man for their single friend...apparently our Awesome God has a better plan in mind for this young lady, and the strapping young local in the hillbilly uniform was not the man for her...
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