Fast Food, Faster Digestion

I suppose they call it “Panda Express” due to the rate at which the food from that particular establishment passes through one’s body.  Based on this premise, “Taco Bell” should indeed be called “Toxic Hell” as it incites one to run for something, but not the border.  The havoc that “McDonald’s” or “White Castle” wreaks on the GI tract is unparalleled, and it may as well be sold as an OTC stool softener.

In spite of the agony I experience ex post facto, I enjoy fast food through the week.  There is something to be said for stepping out of the office for an hour, only to return with nothing but remorse and a feeling that you will crash at any moment.  The 2:00 PM meeting becomes the most challenging aspect of any day once I have chosen to fuel my day with cheap eats.

There are few ways to accomplish the 4,000 calorie per day requirement on which I operate, so fast food becomes an ideal way to do so.  Furthermore, my inability to patronize the grocery store with any sort of regularity adds to the frequency with which I dine out of my home.  On any given day, the inventory in my refrigerator consists of condiments, beer, milk (which may or may not be spoiled), and possibly pudding cups.  Through the week, if I am not eating fast food I am likely having cereal or a protein shake.

My only hope of reform is marriage, for as long as I am living by myself I do not see any dietary changes in my future.  My cholesterol levels will certainly thank my future wife someday…