Remainder of None

Math has never been my strong suit…For as long as I can remember I have struggled with most mathematical calculations.  I was far more interested in figuring out the best way to remove the hair from my sisters’ dolls, or the next best way to launch a bottle rocket without a bottle. 

I did not realize it at the time, but looking back I now realize that I was once in remedial classes for math.  I believe it was around third or fourth grade.  I got to spend part of my day with Mrs. Manning.  I just thought I was special.  I was chosen to spend time with an extra teacher reviewing flash cards and working on long division rather than going to recess. 

It turns out I was indeed special, but in a different way…I now blame my lack of athletic ability on the fact that I was forced to stay inside and crunch numbers rather than hone my dodge-ball skills and master the simple skill of throwing and catching a ball on the playground.  They were my most decisive years for development of athleticism, and I was doing long division.  Tragedy…

Long division has always been especially frustrating for me.  I think it is mostly due to the fact that I felt (and continue to feel) it is irrelevant.  Why punish myself with long division when I have a calculator or Excel?  I guess I was just ahead of my time when I attempted to convince my remedial educator that I would not NEED to know how to do long division.  Turns out, I was right (thank you, electrons).

I managed to fumble my way through my math classes for the most part.  Geometry was the only other bump in the road.  We had a tenuous relationship at best; it seems I was a little too obtuse…Algebra, Trigonometry, and Calculus were not a problem for me.  Apparently my brain is better suited for the abstract and complex hypothetical calculations of higher level math, and simple things like multiplication and division are somehow beyond my level of comprehension.  Who knew?

Third grade was a long time ago.  Today, If someone held a gun to my head and asked me to solve a mathematical problem using long division I would no longer be alive.  It is difficult to imagine a scenario where I would be held at gun point and forced to use math, but hey, there are some crazy people out there.  Regardless, I would not be able to save my own life. 

I suppose I have a remainder of none when it comes to long division knowledge and ability.  I am fortunate in that one of my future wife’s many abilities happens to be mathematics, so I will not have to look like an idiot in front of our children when I cannot help them with their elementary level math homework…