I recently procured a pair of red Dockers casual pants. I believe they are referred to as “Chinos” and the actual color is “Barn Door”. I got them on clearance, and it is obvious that they were discounted for a reason. They are not obnoxiously red, but just red enough to be atypical. I will need to reference Urban Dictionary to confirm, but I believe the term to describe the wearing of such pants is “Peacockin’”.
So I was peacockin’ the other day and rocked the red pants. I was minding my own business when an acquaintance who shall remain nameless said, “Nice pants, where’s the off switch?” There is some inherent ambiguity in such a statement. He was either asking if there is some sort of built-in switch that allows others to get my pants off of my person, or alternatively, implying that my pants were bright as a light and needed to be “turned off”. Semantics aside, I assumed he meant the latter.
When insulted in such a way the proper thing to do is to execute a perfectly timed witty comeback. In the immediate situation, I opted for the classic “Your Mom” remark. It never fails.
Nameless Acquaintance: “Nice pants, where’s the off switch?”
Me: “I have to wear brightly colored pants so I can easily find them on your Mom’s floor when I sneak out in the middle of the night...”
Boom, insulted. Immature: yes. Effective: certainly. There are few things you can do to counter a “Your Mom” insult. Sure, you can come back with a mother insult of your own, but it is useless. It is common knowledge that the first to “go there” wins, and the only thing to do is resort to fisticuffs or move on…
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